The Dreaded Question, Where Is Mom?

Redirect is social move speak for changing the focus of attending from whatever it is disturbing them -- making them angry, fearful, anxious, or whatsoever ane of the many negative emotions nosotros human beings experience -- as well as directing their feelings from the negative to the positive.

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By Bob DeMarco
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Our reader Dave asked inwards the comments department nether the article Communicating alongside the Deeply Forgetful:

Need help! My married adult woman was diagnosed alongside dementia v years agone as well as is 76 years old. Every solar daytime she asks "where is Mom?" Her Mom passed 26 years ago. How do I move into Alzheimer's World alongside that query without getting into a logical trap which she is soundless capable of understanding?

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Let me commencement past times publishing Patricia Lambert's reply which appeared correct nether Dave's comment.

I'm looking frontwards to seeing replies to your question. My responses vary depending on how Mother asks the question. Sometimes, I'm able to alter her query into a conversation almost her parents/husband. Sometimes, she is lucid, as well as I tell her the truth; I prefer non to do this even thence because sometimes it upsets her, but sometimes it seems a relief to her because she's mad at them for leaving her here.

This is ane fantabulous comment for sure, as well as an fantabulous illustration of how powerful the Collective Brain of the could be. Thanks Patricia.

There are additional comment yous tin read if yous become dorsum to the article.

Patricia wrote (more or less) that she looks as well as listens for simply about cues that assistance her determine how to bargain alongside the question.

You never know what yous tin larn from a mortal who is deeply forgetful simply past times listening closely to the audio of their voice. Influenza A virus subtype H5N1 mortal who is scream for a elementary query volition audio really dissimilar from a mortal who is inwards demand of exceptional attention.

The Truth versus the Fib

Many caregivers tell they can't prevarication to a mortal who is deeply forgetful. It makes them experience bad. Let's human face upwards it, nobody wants to move labeled a liar. However, tending giving is non all almost the feelings of the caregiver, inwards fact, it is mostly almost the feelings of the patient (I actually don't similar the give-and-take patient).

So what would move to a greater extent than loving as well as caring?

Telling a mortal who is deeply forgetful the truth as well as making them experience "horrible", upset, confused, as well as peradventure angry simply thence yous tin experience better? Or, telling a fib knowing fully that yous are inwards command of the province of affairs as well as using a technique that is designed to bargain alongside a PROBLEM that most caregivers human face upwards inwards ane cast or another.

Dave, I'll own got Patricia's advice ane pace further.

If yous think yous tin tell the truth on surely occasions without upsetting your married adult woman endeavour this along alongside that approach: own got out simply about pictures of your wife's mom as well as verbalize over them alongside her. Believe it or not, over fourth dimension this mightiness assistance your married adult woman to halt scream for this question.

I would also propose actively bringing upwards a wonderful experiences the 3 of yous had together inwards the past. In other words, attacking the work caput on. Get out inwards front end thence to speak.

Most of the deeply forgetful tin retrieve the past. And, if yous convey upwards something alongside a happy emotion attached to it, they mightiness retrieve the province of affairs ameliorate than yous do. Dotty actually fascinated me when nosotros discussed the deep past.

Emotion is the primal to long term retentivity alongside persons who are deeply forgetful. This explains inwards business office why contemporary music, music from when they were young, plant thence good alongside Alzheimer's patients.

Redirection

One of the most pop techniques for situations similar the ane yous are describing is called redirection.

For a description of this technique I'll plow to a comment Carole Larkin made nether the article, Alzheimer's as well as Redirecting equally a Form of Communication.

Redirect is social move speak for changing their focus of attending from whatever it is disturbing them -- making them angry, fearful, anxious, or whatsoever ane of the many negative emotions nosotros human beings experience -- as well as directing their feelings from the negative to the positive.

From "bad" inward to "good" or pleasurable outward.

Use the attending bridge limitations to move for yous as well as your loved one. It doesn't affair what it is that yous straightaway their attending toward, simply equally long equally it makes them experience goodness inwards that moment.

For Dotty it tin move chips, Harvey, H2O ice cream, Petey as well as other things Bob knows tin brand her happy.

You know your loved one. Use things that brand them happy. Do it 40-50 times a solar daytime if yous demand to. Hey, it's nicer as well as gentler than arguing, yelling as well as mostly blowing up.

______________________________

I did redirect Dotty equally a curt term gear upwards to the work of her scream for repetitive questions. However, I viewed the Fib, or the redirect equally a curt term gear upwards only.

What I actually wanted to do was uncovering the underlying emotions as well as feelings beingness expressed as well as move on those unmet needs that resided inside Dotty.

I volition push clit this inwards the side past times side article on this number which mightiness move entitled, Why Redirection is Only a Short Term Fix to a Much Bigger Underlying Problem.

Meanwhile Dave hither is how I executed my most effective redirects.

I would brand goodness oculus contact, smile, as well as thence heighten my vocalization slightly to attract attending as well as say, Mom, how almost nosotros become as well as acquire a burger as well as french fries later?

This would commonly atomic number 82 to a conversation almost what the give-and-take "later" meant. In other words, how long earlier nosotros eat.

Like Carol mentioned, I also used spud chips, H2O ice cream, as well as subsequently inwards the game the greatest caregiver tool e'er invented -- Harvey the Repeat Parrot.

More on this topic coming upwards soon.

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Bob DeMarco is the Founder as well as Editor of the (ARR). Bob is a recognized influencer, speaker, as well as practiced inwards the Alzheimer's as well as Dementia Community Worldwide. The ARR Knowledge Base contains to a greater extent than than 4,000 articles. Bob lives inwards Delray Beach, FL.

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